I wannna always feel like part of this was mine…

You know those nights when you NEED to go out, ‘cos something might happen? it just feels that way, you listen to some songs that make you remember that somewhere in the world there are people worth getting to know. That all it can take to change everything, is just one night… tonight feels like one of those nights.

Can’t do anything about it though, lost my cashcard the other night, so can’t actually get any money from anywhere. And anyway, there’s no one around. Robyn is back in America, back on tour, back having fun. Tara is at comicon. Fuck, even Jamie is working til late o clock.

The only thing that compares to the nights out that change life are the nights in that are perfect. And I haven’t had one of those for about 3 years.

You know that bit in beautiful girls , where natalie portmans character is upset about staying in on a saturday night, and tim hutton is all *you have a million saturday nights ahead of you* ? Yeah, feeling that, in the sense that I don’t have a million saturday nights ahead of me, my 20s are all but done and I still haven’t managed to locate my designated other.

I miss America. I miss feeling like nothing IS and everything COULD be.

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