I’m sitting in Tara’s apartment in Williamsburg, on my last day here, all consumed with thoughts of how to make my life the way I genuinely want it to be.
I turned 30 in a somewhat anticlimatic way, I survived, now comes the hard part.
I’m moving here next year, I’ve always wanted you, and I’m done with wasting my life in London town.
Know what’s great? People with a similar frame of reference to you. I was in the Charleston across the street the first day I got here, drinking with Tara’s roommate Tony, and they were showing Alien Nation (movie) on the TV screen, and I had a conversation about how they changed the Matt character on the TV show, and George stayed the same. A conversation, not the usual, me telling someone something, and them staring at me blankly. It’s mostly what I live for.
NY has been perfect this week, save for some weirdness with friends, and monster foot returning.
Monday at Coney was amazing. Definitely managed to get a bit sunburned. Hung out with sharks and sea otters at the aquarium, before having the (mis)fortune of riding the 3D deep-sea experience. Haven’t laughed so much in about a billion years. More hanging out on the boardwalk, intense dry heat, listening to death cab, there being this incredible warm breeze, and things seeming momentarily utopian. Perfectly okay. P-e-r-f-e-c-t-l-y-o-k-a-y.
I haven’t felt a sense of calm like that in forever. And I never have in London. I wish I hadn’t been born in the wrong country.
So, tomorrow, I return home, to London, and to my job and to all the things that are “okay” but only “okay” and to the wind and the rain and the cold and all of this will seem like a million miles away, and I’ll get by on seeing some bands and talking to people on the internet, and hopefully it’ll spur me into action, and next year, I’ll have this whole thing figured out.
It’s a weird boy week this week too, it’s mostly ‘cos Jupiter has stopped being retrograde. But the one I like the most has gone into some kind of life hating hibernation, and the only one I was ever properly in love with, is single once more. I’m not that bothered by either right now though, I have 12 months to sort out all the things in my life that aren’t working. That’s probably enough for now.